I really want to find the person and stab them through their neck with a fork.
But I can't. For three main reasons:
1) I don't know exactly where they live.
2) Murder is bad, and gets me arrested.
3) I have to much other shit to get done and no time to spare to kill them
Sadly enough, three is the main reason. In fact, I have so much to get done that I'm just updating this quickly while MS Word starts up, and then once I work on H,MD, I'll write another post. So in an hour or so.
Before I go to bed tonight I have to:
Update this, and actually update, not just this.
Shower.
Work on HMD.
Do a character profile for NaNo.
Get everything ready for school tomorrow.
Do history homework, which is brief.
And if I'm lucky, I get to do some other planning for NaNo, for the plot.
I will get all of this done. If I do not, I will not sleep. And I still have two more hours on the computer. But no more BS. And I have to stick to that damn schedule I made. Otherwise, I'm screwed.
No more procrastination. Until Sunday after next, I will not procrastinate. I swear it.
--Ave, who shall be back later
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Ave Gives Movie Reviews Now
September 6th, 2010
Nine-thirty am.
On a Monday. Labor Day, to be exact.
------------------------
Des has instructed me that I need to update this thing more. And here I was thinking I updated often enough. *pats Des, wherever she is*
So, since I'm updating, I might as well worry a lot, eh?
Last day of summer vacation. *sobs into doggy, since her pillow is upstairs*
I spent last night intensively studying my schedule and pinpointing where each and every one of my classrooms is on my mental map of the school. *remembers her first day last year, when she got lost and couldn't remember where her math room was and was the last person there* Luckily, they turn bells off on the first day. *does happy dance* So...hopefully it will not be noticed if I'm a bit late, although I don't expect to be. And maybe I'll feel better after first period, since I'm with one of my besties. *hopes* Although I did spend ten minutes last night trying to figure out if they would mind if I brought my lunch to gym because I have gym right before lunch and my locker is on the other end of the school, and I don't want to be late to lunch. These are the stupid things I worry about.
Anyways, yesterday I spent three hours watching The Patriot, and it has earned a spot on my favorite movies list, right next to Gladiator. Because it's special.
And so, since I also promised Des it would be a long post (although I'm being kicked off the computer -__________________-) I shall now explain to my 2.4 readers the entire plot of the movie and my opinions on most every scene.
So, in the beginning of the movie there's this guy, Benjamin Martin, played by Mel Gibson, who lives in South Carolina, and the American Revolution is about to start, but he wants to keep the peace and doesn't want a war. He also fought in the French and Indian War and was a hero of Fort Wilderness, although the don't explain this to you until, like, two hours later. Anyways, he has seven kids and his wife is dead, most likely due to giving birth to those seven kids. This is the part where I jump away from the plot to point something out. Mel Gibson? He may be a terrible person and whatnot *can't remember what he did that was bad but knows it was bad* but he is a damn good actor. Seriously. Back to the plot now.
Either way, his kids are extremely hard to keep track of at times (one of them never does anything, but he's four-ish, so that's excused) but given that six of them play kinda important roles to the story, we'll go through them all. First is Gabriel, who's eighteen, methinks, and played by Heath Ledger (before he died, that is *sheds tear*). He signs up for the Continental (Patriot) Army and is basically the reason all this crap happens to his family, but he's still an awesome character, even though it took me about an hour to actually like his character and ignore the fact that he dragged his family into the war with his foolishness. After Gabriel is Thomas, whom I liked; he's fifteen. And then there's Nathan, who is awesome in the scene he's in, and he's probably thirteen. And then there's Margaret (I think . . . her name's something like that). Now she doesn't exactly do much, but she's there for a good chunk of the movie, in the background. So she's somewhere between ten and twelve. *thinks she's twelve* But I fail at guessing ages. Although I think she's older or around the same age as Samuel, who I would pin at eleven. And then there's William, who's . . . young-ish, maybe five. He's the one of no importance. After him is Susan, who's maybe three, and never talks. And that's all of them, methinks (and their ages are guessed from the scenes that take place in 1780).
So, anyways, Gabriel/Heath Ledger (that is an awesome name . . . *steals name to use in story, at least the Heath part*) signs up to join the Continental Army after they have a meeting thing of the council or something of the sort about if South Carolina should sign the Declaration of Independence. This extremely annoys his dad, who does not want war, and is part of the council, actually. They decided to sign the Declaration, by the way. Anyways, *is skipping minuscule events and four years* (also, in those four years Charleston falls to the British, etc.) next thing you know he's showing up at their house, (somehow they are rich, no idea how, but they have a huge house), wounded, and carrying messages for his army.
So then, the next day, there's a huge skirmish right on their land and there's a whole load of wounded soldiers afterwards. They care for both the Continental and Loyalist soldiers, and the guy in charge of the Loyalist soldiers thanks him. Then the guy in charge of him shows up, and has all the wounded Continentals killed. I never learned his name, and to me he's simply Malfoy's dad, which he gets for playing him in Harry Potter. Anyways, once he figures out that there were Patriot dispatches in their house, which Gabriel left there, and he decides that now they are going to keep Gabriel as a prisoner and then hang him without trial. Then they take Gabriel and burn their freaking house down. But first, Thomas tries to go save his brother, he's doing pretty damn good. Until Malfoy's dad freaking shoots him in the chest and he dies in Mel Gibson/Ben's arms.
Now, Ben/Mel Gibson is more worried about his son being taken and Thomas being dead then his freaking house burning down with all his worldly possessions inside, although this is understandable, because Thomas is dead and he was awesome. Moving on. So as the house burning, Ben goes back inside. And what does he get? Weapons. Guns and axes/tomahawks and the like. And then he hands one rifle to each Samuel and Nathan (here comes the part when they're epic) and then one to Margaret, and tells her to hide in the field with the little kids and run to their aunt's if they're not back by sunset or some other time. Their aunt also owns not one but two huge houses, and has no children or husband, and no indicator as to how she got the gigantic house. Moving on to the part that amazes me.
So, Nathan and Samuel follow their dad, Benjamin/Mel Gibson, through the woods until they have view of the road. He then finds a spot for them to hide so they can shoot the officers as they pass by on the road below. This part really disturbs me. These kids are most likely around eleven and thirteen, and their dad is asking them to kill a whole crap load of people to get their brother back. So then he instructs them to aim for the officers and leaves them to hide a bunch of loaded rifles behind trees so that he can also shoot them more easily. And then they completely massacre twenty officers, although it's more of Ben/Mel Gibson killing people than his kids, which is still a small comfort. After he shoots a couple of them he completely massacres a few with axes. This part is extremely freaky, and it really makes you wonder. That is, until you learn what happened at Fort Wilderness, but that's a long while later.
So, they get Gabriel back after killing only twenty people. *sarcasm* Then they escape back to their aunt's house, and some more stuff happens. Gabriel is bent on returning to the army, even though his brother and father just murdered twenty people for him. I can't get over that. And then Ben decides that he's joining the militia as well.
Anyways, at this time Malfoy's father hears of the attack on the soldiers from one private who was there and survived. When he says it was all one man who did it, Ben is dubbed "the ghost" by them, and Malfoy's dad has a new vendetta against him.
Back to Ben. So, he decides he's joining the army, and figures out that currently the rebel army sucks and Cornwallis, a Loyalist general, basically has nothing keeping him from a direct assault on Washington's troops farther north. Since Mel Gibson/Ben is now a Colonel, he is in charge of organizing a militia that will keep Cornwallis strictly in the South and thus away from obliterating Washington's troops. The French are, at this point, supposed to arrive to help them in six months or so, and so they have to keep Cornwallis where he is until then.
At this point their ragtag militia starts being completely awesome and attacking British supply lines and burning bridges (literally, not metaphorically) and being overall awesome. At one point they steal Cornwallis's personal belongings, including his journal/memoirs and his two Great Danes, named Jupiter and Mars. *snickers* Ben reads his journal and figures that his fatal flaw is pride. They keep him in the south for a subsequent six months, and then Cornwallis blames Malfoy's dad for using unnecessarily cruel tactics in war that reflect badly on him, and that if he hadn't done stupid things like burn houses, then "the ghost" wouldn't exist.
Somewhere along the line, they burn down Aunt Charlotte's house as well, although they get out fine. *doesn't remember the whole thing or when exactly it took place*
Also, at one point Malfoy's dad captures eighteen of Ben's soldiers. So then he rides up to the gates with Cornwallis's Great Danes so that he can negotiate the release of his eighteen men by saying that he has eighteen British officers, and so they arrange a prisoner exchange, in which Ben says he also give them some of Cornwallis's stolen possessions and his dogs back. So they give him his men and he arranges for them to go pick up theirs. Of course, as Ben is leaving, Malfoy's dad shows up and correctly assumes that Ben is "the ghost" although he can't attack him unless he attacks first due to some sort of stupid army etiquette. *rolls eyes* So then he torments him by bringing up Thomas's death. At this point Ben stares him straight in the eye and informs him that before the war is over, he will kill him, and in his true awesomeness, just jumps back on his horse and rides off, somehow not killing Malfoy's father.
Of course, it turns out that the "captured officers" are scarecrows in British army garb. Cornwallis decides to let Malfoy's dad do whatever he deems necessary to stop the militia. *remembers* Oh yeah, and that's when they burn down Aunt Charlotte's house, hoping to find his family. They then escape to some sort of safe place, and are helped there by Gabriel. While they're there he marries his friend from when he was a kid, Anne something.
Then, once the militia has left, after staying there a week, Malfoy's dad gathers everybody in Anne's hometown in the church.
He subsequently burns the church down. Everyone inside dies.
Malfoy's dad is a bastard.
So Gabriel and some of the militia, after discovering that the church was burned down by Malfoy's dad and his men, go hunt them down. In the end, everyone who was there but Malfoy's dad and Gabriel is dead.
Then Gabriel shoots at Malfoy's dad just a split second before it could happen vice versa with him on the receiving end of the bullet. Of course, then it turns out that Malfoy's dad is indeed not mortally wounded, but faking it, and when Gabriel is about to fatally stab him in the back he flips over and stabs Gabriel through the stomach. So now he has killed not one but two of Ben's kids, and the really cool ones too. *sulks*
And when Malfoy's dad stabs Gabriel there were actually tears in my eyes. Because he freaking killed Gabriel. Who, like Thomas, dies in his father's arms. He then apologizes for his aforementioned brother's death, but Ben tells him it was in fact not Gabriel's fault but his own, although I don't think it was either of their faults. Because it's Malfoy's dad's fault. *glares at Malfoy's dad* Because he shot him.
Now this is where the whole thing about Mel Gibson being such a freaking awesome actor comes in. Because I have no idea how anyone fakes that scene he did as Gabriel died. Anyways, then he decides that he simply doesn't want to fight anymore, understandable, and he gives up on the army. Until he looks through Gabriel's stuff and finds a battered American flag, at which point he decides to continue fighting and rides back into the militia's ranks as they are marching, holding the flag. Of course, these things seem to happen only in movies, but it was meaningful nonetheless.
So the next thing you know the Continentals are in another battle, and they use the fact that Cornwallis underestimates the militia against him. However, the troops start losing their spirit and he runs through the ranks carrying the flag again, and they continue fighting. In the end, he gets in a showdown with Malfoy's dad. And he wins. I really am too bored to describe it, so let's just say it was cool, okay? Wait, I have to describe it so I can talk about the cool part. See, they're fighting, and Malfoy's dad has Ben on his knees and is about to kill him, saying that obviously Ben is not the better man. Then the latter ducks and avoids getting killed by Malfoy's dad and stabs the former in the stomach, saying that his sons were better men.
This is the part where I sob over dead characters, because I don't care so much about the ending.
THEY KILLED THOMAS AND GABRIEL. NO. HOW DARE THEY?! *insert rant here*
Anyways, on Saturday night I made a schedule for the next two weeks, and if I stick to it, which is so far so good, I will have all my oneshots done, have finished eight hours of NaNo planning, three hours of OTP planning, and character profiles for the six main characters in my NaNo. All done. In two weeks. It's amazing.
And this blog post is finally done, so I'm off to plan for NaNo.
--Ave, off to plan for NaNo
Nine-thirty am.
On a Monday. Labor Day, to be exact.
------------------------
Des has instructed me that I need to update this thing more. And here I was thinking I updated often enough. *pats Des, wherever she is*
So, since I'm updating, I might as well worry a lot, eh?
Last day of summer vacation. *sobs into doggy, since her pillow is upstairs*
I spent last night intensively studying my schedule and pinpointing where each and every one of my classrooms is on my mental map of the school. *remembers her first day last year, when she got lost and couldn't remember where her math room was and was the last person there* Luckily, they turn bells off on the first day. *does happy dance* So...hopefully it will not be noticed if I'm a bit late, although I don't expect to be. And maybe I'll feel better after first period, since I'm with one of my besties. *hopes* Although I did spend ten minutes last night trying to figure out if they would mind if I brought my lunch to gym because I have gym right before lunch and my locker is on the other end of the school, and I don't want to be late to lunch. These are the stupid things I worry about.
Anyways, yesterday I spent three hours watching The Patriot, and it has earned a spot on my favorite movies list, right next to Gladiator. Because it's special.
And so, since I also promised Des it would be a long post (although I'm being kicked off the computer -__________________-) I shall now explain to my 2.4 readers the entire plot of the movie and my opinions on most every scene.
So, in the beginning of the movie there's this guy, Benjamin Martin, played by Mel Gibson, who lives in South Carolina, and the American Revolution is about to start, but he wants to keep the peace and doesn't want a war. He also fought in the French and Indian War and was a hero of Fort Wilderness, although the don't explain this to you until, like, two hours later. Anyways, he has seven kids and his wife is dead, most likely due to giving birth to those seven kids. This is the part where I jump away from the plot to point something out. Mel Gibson? He may be a terrible person and whatnot *can't remember what he did that was bad but knows it was bad* but he is a damn good actor. Seriously. Back to the plot now.
Either way, his kids are extremely hard to keep track of at times (one of them never does anything, but he's four-ish, so that's excused) but given that six of them play kinda important roles to the story, we'll go through them all. First is Gabriel, who's eighteen, methinks, and played by Heath Ledger (before he died, that is *sheds tear*). He signs up for the Continental (Patriot) Army and is basically the reason all this crap happens to his family, but he's still an awesome character, even though it took me about an hour to actually like his character and ignore the fact that he dragged his family into the war with his foolishness. After Gabriel is Thomas, whom I liked; he's fifteen. And then there's Nathan, who is awesome in the scene he's in, and he's probably thirteen. And then there's Margaret (I think . . . her name's something like that). Now she doesn't exactly do much, but she's there for a good chunk of the movie, in the background. So she's somewhere between ten and twelve. *thinks she's twelve* But I fail at guessing ages. Although I think she's older or around the same age as Samuel, who I would pin at eleven. And then there's William, who's . . . young-ish, maybe five. He's the one of no importance. After him is Susan, who's maybe three, and never talks. And that's all of them, methinks (and their ages are guessed from the scenes that take place in 1780).
So, anyways, Gabriel/Heath Ledger (that is an awesome name . . . *steals name to use in story, at least the Heath part*) signs up to join the Continental Army after they have a meeting thing of the council or something of the sort about if South Carolina should sign the Declaration of Independence. This extremely annoys his dad, who does not want war, and is part of the council, actually. They decided to sign the Declaration, by the way. Anyways, *is skipping minuscule events and four years* (also, in those four years Charleston falls to the British, etc.) next thing you know he's showing up at their house, (somehow they are rich, no idea how, but they have a huge house), wounded, and carrying messages for his army.
So then, the next day, there's a huge skirmish right on their land and there's a whole load of wounded soldiers afterwards. They care for both the Continental and Loyalist soldiers, and the guy in charge of the Loyalist soldiers thanks him. Then the guy in charge of him shows up, and has all the wounded Continentals killed. I never learned his name, and to me he's simply Malfoy's dad, which he gets for playing him in Harry Potter. Anyways, once he figures out that there were Patriot dispatches in their house, which Gabriel left there, and he decides that now they are going to keep Gabriel as a prisoner and then hang him without trial. Then they take Gabriel and burn their freaking house down. But first, Thomas tries to go save his brother, he's doing pretty damn good. Until Malfoy's dad freaking shoots him in the chest and he dies in Mel Gibson/Ben's arms.
Now, Ben/Mel Gibson is more worried about his son being taken and Thomas being dead then his freaking house burning down with all his worldly possessions inside, although this is understandable, because Thomas is dead and he was awesome. Moving on. So as the house burning, Ben goes back inside. And what does he get? Weapons. Guns and axes/tomahawks and the like. And then he hands one rifle to each Samuel and Nathan (here comes the part when they're epic) and then one to Margaret, and tells her to hide in the field with the little kids and run to their aunt's if they're not back by sunset or some other time. Their aunt also owns not one but two huge houses, and has no children or husband, and no indicator as to how she got the gigantic house. Moving on to the part that amazes me.
So, Nathan and Samuel follow their dad, Benjamin/Mel Gibson, through the woods until they have view of the road. He then finds a spot for them to hide so they can shoot the officers as they pass by on the road below. This part really disturbs me. These kids are most likely around eleven and thirteen, and their dad is asking them to kill a whole crap load of people to get their brother back. So then he instructs them to aim for the officers and leaves them to hide a bunch of loaded rifles behind trees so that he can also shoot them more easily. And then they completely massacre twenty officers, although it's more of Ben/Mel Gibson killing people than his kids, which is still a small comfort. After he shoots a couple of them he completely massacres a few with axes. This part is extremely freaky, and it really makes you wonder. That is, until you learn what happened at Fort Wilderness, but that's a long while later.
So, they get Gabriel back after killing only twenty people. *sarcasm* Then they escape back to their aunt's house, and some more stuff happens. Gabriel is bent on returning to the army, even though his brother and father just murdered twenty people for him. I can't get over that. And then Ben decides that he's joining the militia as well.
Anyways, at this time Malfoy's father hears of the attack on the soldiers from one private who was there and survived. When he says it was all one man who did it, Ben is dubbed "the ghost" by them, and Malfoy's dad has a new vendetta against him.
Back to Ben. So, he decides he's joining the army, and figures out that currently the rebel army sucks and Cornwallis, a Loyalist general, basically has nothing keeping him from a direct assault on Washington's troops farther north. Since Mel Gibson/Ben is now a Colonel, he is in charge of organizing a militia that will keep Cornwallis strictly in the South and thus away from obliterating Washington's troops. The French are, at this point, supposed to arrive to help them in six months or so, and so they have to keep Cornwallis where he is until then.
At this point their ragtag militia starts being completely awesome and attacking British supply lines and burning bridges (literally, not metaphorically) and being overall awesome. At one point they steal Cornwallis's personal belongings, including his journal/memoirs and his two Great Danes, named Jupiter and Mars. *snickers* Ben reads his journal and figures that his fatal flaw is pride. They keep him in the south for a subsequent six months, and then Cornwallis blames Malfoy's dad for using unnecessarily cruel tactics in war that reflect badly on him, and that if he hadn't done stupid things like burn houses, then "the ghost" wouldn't exist.
Somewhere along the line, they burn down Aunt Charlotte's house as well, although they get out fine. *doesn't remember the whole thing or when exactly it took place*
Also, at one point Malfoy's dad captures eighteen of Ben's soldiers. So then he rides up to the gates with Cornwallis's Great Danes so that he can negotiate the release of his eighteen men by saying that he has eighteen British officers, and so they arrange a prisoner exchange, in which Ben says he also give them some of Cornwallis's stolen possessions and his dogs back. So they give him his men and he arranges for them to go pick up theirs. Of course, as Ben is leaving, Malfoy's dad shows up and correctly assumes that Ben is "the ghost" although he can't attack him unless he attacks first due to some sort of stupid army etiquette. *rolls eyes* So then he torments him by bringing up Thomas's death. At this point Ben stares him straight in the eye and informs him that before the war is over, he will kill him, and in his true awesomeness, just jumps back on his horse and rides off, somehow not killing Malfoy's father.
Of course, it turns out that the "captured officers" are scarecrows in British army garb. Cornwallis decides to let Malfoy's dad do whatever he deems necessary to stop the militia. *remembers* Oh yeah, and that's when they burn down Aunt Charlotte's house, hoping to find his family. They then escape to some sort of safe place, and are helped there by Gabriel. While they're there he marries his friend from when he was a kid, Anne something.
Then, once the militia has left, after staying there a week, Malfoy's dad gathers everybody in Anne's hometown in the church.
He subsequently burns the church down. Everyone inside dies.
Malfoy's dad is a bastard.
So Gabriel and some of the militia, after discovering that the church was burned down by Malfoy's dad and his men, go hunt them down. In the end, everyone who was there but Malfoy's dad and Gabriel is dead.
Then Gabriel shoots at Malfoy's dad just a split second before it could happen vice versa with him on the receiving end of the bullet. Of course, then it turns out that Malfoy's dad is indeed not mortally wounded, but faking it, and when Gabriel is about to fatally stab him in the back he flips over and stabs Gabriel through the stomach. So now he has killed not one but two of Ben's kids, and the really cool ones too. *sulks*
And when Malfoy's dad stabs Gabriel there were actually tears in my eyes. Because he freaking killed Gabriel. Who, like Thomas, dies in his father's arms. He then apologizes for his aforementioned brother's death, but Ben tells him it was in fact not Gabriel's fault but his own, although I don't think it was either of their faults. Because it's Malfoy's dad's fault. *glares at Malfoy's dad* Because he shot him.
Now this is where the whole thing about Mel Gibson being such a freaking awesome actor comes in. Because I have no idea how anyone fakes that scene he did as Gabriel died. Anyways, then he decides that he simply doesn't want to fight anymore, understandable, and he gives up on the army. Until he looks through Gabriel's stuff and finds a battered American flag, at which point he decides to continue fighting and rides back into the militia's ranks as they are marching, holding the flag. Of course, these things seem to happen only in movies, but it was meaningful nonetheless.
So the next thing you know the Continentals are in another battle, and they use the fact that Cornwallis underestimates the militia against him. However, the troops start losing their spirit and he runs through the ranks carrying the flag again, and they continue fighting. In the end, he gets in a showdown with Malfoy's dad. And he wins. I really am too bored to describe it, so let's just say it was cool, okay? Wait, I have to describe it so I can talk about the cool part. See, they're fighting, and Malfoy's dad has Ben on his knees and is about to kill him, saying that obviously Ben is not the better man. Then the latter ducks and avoids getting killed by Malfoy's dad and stabs the former in the stomach, saying that his sons were better men.
This is the part where I sob over dead characters, because I don't care so much about the ending.
THEY KILLED THOMAS AND GABRIEL. NO. HOW DARE THEY?! *insert rant here*
Anyways, on Saturday night I made a schedule for the next two weeks, and if I stick to it, which is so far so good, I will have all my oneshots done, have finished eight hours of NaNo planning, three hours of OTP planning, and character profiles for the six main characters in my NaNo. All done. In two weeks. It's amazing.
And this blog post is finally done, so I'm off to plan for NaNo.
--Ave, off to plan for NaNo
Saturday, September 4, 2010
It's Better Without
September 4th, 2010
Eleven-thirty am.
On a Saturday.
------------------
And after a lot of consideration and thought, at three am EST this morning my brain simply and abruptly came to the conclusion of, "Well, you're a hell of a lot better off without that, aren't you? Not the greatest timing, but still. It's better."
Before I came to this conclusion, however, I was attempting to partake in that pointless act known as sleeping. At just after two am I logged off my computer and said bye to Des, and then was lying there, trying to sleep. I couldn't. Then I was hungry, so I was lying there, eating crackers and not feeling very tired. And once I came to that conclusion, I felt better.
I fell asleep after that.
Seven hours later I finally woke up for good, after killing my alarm clock. And this has lead me to yet another conclusion, one I am adamant about, and one that I will carry through on. Because I don't give a damn about the person anymore, and honestly, thinking about them just makes me even more hellbent on making sure that this year is better than all the rest. I will make room for actually studying for tests and getting all my homework done and I'll have an epic NaNo plot with actual subplots and I'll finish all of these stupid oneshots and they won't suck anymore. And I'll start a multi-chapter fic that I'll actually get done.
And it'll all work out for the best.
This time, I am damn sure of it.
--Ave
Eleven-thirty am.
On a Saturday.
------------------
And after a lot of consideration and thought, at three am EST this morning my brain simply and abruptly came to the conclusion of, "Well, you're a hell of a lot better off without that, aren't you? Not the greatest timing, but still. It's better."
This thought just kind of popped into my head in the midst of twelve million extremely indecisive thoughts, out of the blue. Nevertheless, it is my new mantra, to be repeated as often as needed. And it's working.
Before I came to this conclusion, however, I was attempting to partake in that pointless act known as sleeping. At just after two am I logged off my computer and said bye to Des, and then was lying there, trying to sleep. I couldn't. Then I was hungry, so I was lying there, eating crackers and not feeling very tired. And once I came to that conclusion, I felt better.
I fell asleep after that.
Seven hours later I finally woke up for good, after killing my alarm clock. And this has lead me to yet another conclusion, one I am adamant about, and one that I will carry through on. Because I don't give a damn about the person anymore, and honestly, thinking about them just makes me even more hellbent on making sure that this year is better than all the rest. I will make room for actually studying for tests and getting all my homework done and I'll have an epic NaNo plot with actual subplots and I'll finish all of these stupid oneshots and they won't suck anymore. And I'll start a multi-chapter fic that I'll actually get done.
And it'll all work out for the best.
This time, I am damn sure of it.
--Ave
Friday, September 3, 2010
Eh. *is title fail*
September 3rd, 2010
Right before eleven am.
On a Friday.
--------------
So.
A lot has happened. Yet at the same time, next to nothing has happened at all.
It all starts...well, really, it all starts months ago. But that's a long complicated story I really don't want to jump into. Either way, yesterday Thorn and I got into a fight. This fight was entirely my fault because technically I triggered it, but it was bound to happen eventually and I basically just sped up the inevitable. Said spat resulted in her leaving forums and the Veritas and all that crap altogether. Thing is, I don't regret it. If I had to live through that again, I bet I would make the exact same decision all over again. Because there was no way in hell we were ever going to be friends again. How horrible does it sound if I blame this on her, because she's been acting like a different person? Uber-bad or just kinda bad or bad but true? *ponders*
And the strange thing is, I don't really seem to care. As in, I did not sit around moping. I stayed on my computer. I read fanfics. I waited for Des to show up, 'cause I had to talk to her, and right after she did show up I had to leave. Then I watched TV, wrote a bit, read Artemis Fowl. Took my dogs for a walk. Nothing strange. I mean, it was basically as though I never talked to her anyways. At one point she was my best friend. That point ended two months ago. Because if she truly gave a damn about us, she wouldn't leave, no matter what. She'd stick around even if we hate each other's guts and would murder one another if we lived in the same state. And so from that it becomes quite obvious that she doesn't care about us. And so the feeling is mutual, for me. I'm sick and tired of her crap anyways. It was her choice. She made it. And she can deal with the goddamn consequences, if any.
The three main revelations that come from all of this:
I do not care.
I do not regret it.
And I am sure that I would do it all over again in a second, cruel and heartless as it may seem.
--Ave
Right before eleven am.
On a Friday.
--------------
So.
A lot has happened. Yet at the same time, next to nothing has happened at all.
It all starts...well, really, it all starts months ago. But that's a long complicated story I really don't want to jump into. Either way, yesterday Thorn and I got into a fight. This fight was entirely my fault because technically I triggered it, but it was bound to happen eventually and I basically just sped up the inevitable. Said spat resulted in her leaving forums and the Veritas and all that crap altogether. Thing is, I don't regret it. If I had to live through that again, I bet I would make the exact same decision all over again. Because there was no way in hell we were ever going to be friends again. How horrible does it sound if I blame this on her, because she's been acting like a different person? Uber-bad or just kinda bad or bad but true? *ponders*
And the strange thing is, I don't really seem to care. As in, I did not sit around moping. I stayed on my computer. I read fanfics. I waited for Des to show up, 'cause I had to talk to her, and right after she did show up I had to leave. Then I watched TV, wrote a bit, read Artemis Fowl. Took my dogs for a walk. Nothing strange. I mean, it was basically as though I never talked to her anyways. At one point she was my best friend. That point ended two months ago. Because if she truly gave a damn about us, she wouldn't leave, no matter what. She'd stick around even if we hate each other's guts and would murder one another if we lived in the same state. And so from that it becomes quite obvious that she doesn't care about us. And so the feeling is mutual, for me. I'm sick and tired of her crap anyways. It was her choice. She made it. And she can deal with the goddamn consequences, if any.
The three main revelations that come from all of this:
I do not care.
I do not regret it.
And I am sure that I would do it all over again in a second, cruel and heartless as it may seem.
--Ave
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Welcome to September
It is upon us.
"It" being just about the worst month of the entire year.
September.
The month they cart me off to school five days a week and my computer time decreases by more than half. When I have to start getting everything done so much faster and procrastination simply isn't allowed anymore. And this year I have advanced classes, two of which guarantee homework every night and most likely will take an hour for just those two classes. Not to mention other classes. And I need to stay on top of it all, or else. And I can not afford to be behind on anything: Schoolwork, studying, my five point two million recordings, writing, plotting, anything.
Two months from today NaNo starts.
I have nothing, really. Just a wannabe plot.
And it'll have to do.
This week I have to finish all of my oneshots so that I can basically spend the next two months doing nothing but planning, and researching, and more planning. *prays*
But I refuse to let this get me down. I will get it all done.
This optimism thing is hard. *frowns*
--Ave, attempting optimism
"It" being just about the worst month of the entire year.
September.
The month they cart me off to school five days a week and my computer time decreases by more than half. When I have to start getting everything done so much faster and procrastination simply isn't allowed anymore. And this year I have advanced classes, two of which guarantee homework every night and most likely will take an hour for just those two classes. Not to mention other classes. And I need to stay on top of it all, or else. And I can not afford to be behind on anything: Schoolwork, studying, my five point two million recordings, writing, plotting, anything.
Two months from today NaNo starts.
I have nothing, really. Just a wannabe plot.
And it'll have to do.
This week I have to finish all of my oneshots so that I can basically spend the next two months doing nothing but planning, and researching, and more planning. *prays*
But I refuse to let this get me down. I will get it all done.
This optimism thing is hard. *frowns*
--Ave, attempting optimism
The Dark Side
Oh, screw it.
Apparently it takes forty freaking seconds for me to go from the optimistic, "It's all going to be okay" state of mind to the, "I CAN NOT WRITE I AM A FAIL AT LIFE WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME" state of mind. And it only takes one thing, one person, to do that to me, and I hate it.
Right now, I hate all of it. Fanfiction. Writing. The Internet. And the person. Most especially the person. Because if it wasn't for the person I would not be in this mess.
I. Hate. People. So. Freaking. Much.
That includes myself.
And you know what I also hate? When I'm not thinking about that person, I am happy and fine, etc. When I do think of them, I immediately become depressed. And I hate it.
Just screw it.
Today, I just freaking hate everything.
Because of the person.
Whom I hate.
--Ave
Apparently it takes forty freaking seconds for me to go from the optimistic, "It's all going to be okay" state of mind to the, "I CAN NOT WRITE I AM A FAIL AT LIFE WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME" state of mind. And it only takes one thing, one person, to do that to me, and I hate it.
Right now, I hate all of it. Fanfiction. Writing. The Internet. And the person. Most especially the person. Because if it wasn't for the person I would not be in this mess.
I. Hate. People. So. Freaking. Much.
That includes myself.
And you know what I also hate? When I'm not thinking about that person, I am happy and fine, etc. When I do think of them, I immediately become depressed. And I hate it.
Just screw it.
Today, I just freaking hate everything.
Because of the person.
Whom I hate.
--Ave
The Bright Side
September 1st, 2010
Almost eleven am.
On a Wednesday.
----------------------
Oddly enough, I am currently happier than I have been in quite a while.
That is, I've started getting things done and while it is not enjoyable, it feels fantastic to sit down at the end of the day and know that I've gotten something done in the past 24 hours besides sleeping and being lazy. Nevertheless, I still need to be getting even more done, because I only have a week until school starts again. Still, things are getting done and might actually be finished in time, except for my poor DVR which is suffering from my productivity. *pats DVR* So I have to learn to watch The Closer while I write.
Sunday night I realized that I'm not exactly fond of my NaNo, and I realized that all of that came back to my main character. It has occurred to me that I can't get into her head and that's why it's so hard to write her when I can write Darren or Zane so easily and I know what they'd be thinking. And Darren is a homicidal maniac who seemingly has no heart. And Zane is a spineless wimp who dreams big and is always optimistic. Neither of them are really a lot like me. But it's so simple to write them, and it's so hard to write Naida (the main character). So then I basically remade her entire character, and figured out her past. And so far it is working, although I am not supposed to be working on NaNo today, so that's been pushed aside for now.
My mom is still saying I have a horrible attitude and need more sleep. When I am going to fit in sleep in in the next week, I have no idea. Because sleep was so not part of the game plan, and if I'm planning on sleeping than I have to write during the day, instead of at eleven-thirty at night. Procrastination is no longer allowed.
And then she's been making me actually work on all of the chores I was supposed to have been doing all summer. Also on Sunday I spent three hours vacuuming and moping floors. It was unpleasant, although I did feel strangely proud of myself when I was through. Probably because I had actually accomplished something. Although today I have to work on picking up my hellish room, so that may not be so easy, although it will be equally time consuming. *looks at hellish room* No, it will be even more time consuming.
But: more good news. Last night we got our schedules from school, and I am giddy. My very best friend in the entire world since I was four and I have classes together for the first time in six years or so. Even if it is only lunch and gym. And then my other second closest female friend is in my math class, along with study hall and science, and lunch. *luffles besties* *is happy* Although apparently I have the "evil" history teacher, and history is kinda my favorite subject. But I shall not allow that to depress me.
Also yesterday I went to see Vampires Suck with my cousin and her bestie. It was decent. I'm glad it was bargain day and we only paid half price, though. Then we went back to my cousin's house and, being the mature people that we are, played with her little sister's Play Doh. But it was brand new! Brand new Play Doh is so fun . . . although they totally rip you off. Only half the can or so is actually full, and most of it is just empty space. And right after that I had to go and get my schedule. I remembered how much I dislike around half of the kids who go to my school. But I'll live, because last year I had no classes with my bestie and only lunch with my other friend, and I survived that year. After that I got home, ate dinner, walked my dog, and came back only to figure out that my bestie had been calling so we could compare schedules. Which we did. And then we called other people and compared schedules with them. Then we sat outside and talked about random things. And then I went home a little while after that and attempted to catch up on my recordings. I failed miserably. *shrugs*
And tomorrow we are going to go see Dinner for Schmucks or The Other Guys. *shrugs*
So . . . either way, I am currently a happy person who is kinda having a life, has not yet murdered her DVR (it's in better shape than it's been in in months), is happy with her new school schedule, is semi-failing at catching up on writing but okay with it so far, and is sort of ready to be forced to go back to school next week.
--Ave, who is actually happy
Almost eleven am.
On a Wednesday.
----------------------
Oddly enough, I am currently happier than I have been in quite a while.
That is, I've started getting things done and while it is not enjoyable, it feels fantastic to sit down at the end of the day and know that I've gotten something done in the past 24 hours besides sleeping and being lazy. Nevertheless, I still need to be getting even more done, because I only have a week until school starts again. Still, things are getting done and might actually be finished in time, except for my poor DVR which is suffering from my productivity. *pats DVR* So I have to learn to watch The Closer while I write.
Sunday night I realized that I'm not exactly fond of my NaNo, and I realized that all of that came back to my main character. It has occurred to me that I can't get into her head and that's why it's so hard to write her when I can write Darren or Zane so easily and I know what they'd be thinking. And Darren is a homicidal maniac who seemingly has no heart. And Zane is a spineless wimp who dreams big and is always optimistic. Neither of them are really a lot like me. But it's so simple to write them, and it's so hard to write Naida (the main character). So then I basically remade her entire character, and figured out her past. And so far it is working, although I am not supposed to be working on NaNo today, so that's been pushed aside for now.
My mom is still saying I have a horrible attitude and need more sleep. When I am going to fit in sleep in in the next week, I have no idea. Because sleep was so not part of the game plan, and if I'm planning on sleeping than I have to write during the day, instead of at eleven-thirty at night. Procrastination is no longer allowed.
And then she's been making me actually work on all of the chores I was supposed to have been doing all summer. Also on Sunday I spent three hours vacuuming and moping floors. It was unpleasant, although I did feel strangely proud of myself when I was through. Probably because I had actually accomplished something. Although today I have to work on picking up my hellish room, so that may not be so easy, although it will be equally time consuming. *looks at hellish room* No, it will be even more time consuming.
But: more good news. Last night we got our schedules from school, and I am giddy. My very best friend in the entire world since I was four and I have classes together for the first time in six years or so. Even if it is only lunch and gym. And then my other second closest female friend is in my math class, along with study hall and science, and lunch. *luffles besties* *is happy* Although apparently I have the "evil" history teacher, and history is kinda my favorite subject. But I shall not allow that to depress me.
Also yesterday I went to see Vampires Suck with my cousin and her bestie. It was decent. I'm glad it was bargain day and we only paid half price, though. Then we went back to my cousin's house and, being the mature people that we are, played with her little sister's Play Doh. But it was brand new! Brand new Play Doh is so fun . . . although they totally rip you off. Only half the can or so is actually full, and most of it is just empty space. And right after that I had to go and get my schedule. I remembered how much I dislike around half of the kids who go to my school. But I'll live, because last year I had no classes with my bestie and only lunch with my other friend, and I survived that year. After that I got home, ate dinner, walked my dog, and came back only to figure out that my bestie had been calling so we could compare schedules. Which we did. And then we called other people and compared schedules with them. Then we sat outside and talked about random things. And then I went home a little while after that and attempted to catch up on my recordings. I failed miserably. *shrugs*
And tomorrow we are going to go see Dinner for Schmucks or The Other Guys. *shrugs*
So . . . either way, I am currently a happy person who is kinda having a life, has not yet murdered her DVR (it's in better shape than it's been in in months), is happy with her new school schedule, is semi-failing at catching up on writing but okay with it so far, and is sort of ready to be forced to go back to school next week.
--Ave, who is actually happy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)