Back to Whatever I Was Saying . . .

So. I remembered what I had wanted to talk about. I shall start the way I did before.

The world befuddles me.

Before I was attached to my computer. With my friends I was miserable. I never wrote or reviewed. And with all of my online friends I was so happy for no reason; I loved them, I was obsessed with the Internet.

But now everything is reversed.

With my new laptop I'm finding it easier than ever to detach myself from the Internet. From my supposed friends. It's weird because basically no one is on Skype anymore. Everything is basically abandoned because people are off doing whatever, and instead of worrying about this or wanting to spend more time online, I actually studied for science today and there's no upcoming test.

I was creeped out too.

I've always understood that the Internet would be a phase-thing that I'd get over--at least, before I became so close to everyone I understood that. Now it's weird because none of us seem to need each other anymore. At all. I keep having this weird urge to spontaneously stab a lot of people, and while this is sadly semi-normal, it's the people I keep wishing to stab that creeps me out.

Somewhere along the line I've become sick of them. And that scares me. Because we used to love each other and now we don't.

Lately I haven't seen a whole lot of Des, which sucks, but she has things she's doing. Theia's always there because she's Theia, and Storm usually is too, but they both lurk. Juliet's been missing more than usual lately. Thorn's usually there but kind of not because she ignores us, and Bianca has always just been doing multiple things at once and thus not really there a lot. Critic is always there and so is Kal, but it just doesn't feel right. Everything is off.

I do not like it off. Sure, I don't want everything to be totally insane, but I still miss things.

 I miss when we were carefree. I miss when nothing in the world mattered. I miss when school was easy and nothing involved effort or trying. I miss those days when all I did was forum because I had the time to forum. The days before I actually had to think about anything for school. The days before life was complicated. The days before every spare moment became about writing and working on writing and finishing stories.

I miss 2010 and forums and the insanity. I miss being a kid. But at the same time I'm so happy that I know so much more now, that this year is better than last year even if it is hard, and especially that I fall asleep at the end of the day knowing that I got something done. That doesn't stop the fact, though, that we're all growing up and splitting apart. It's kind of creepy, really. Everything's just gone.

--Ave, who feels . . . odd right now, to say the least